Hold your heart courageously

note to self

2009-11-04T04:58:39Z

dear me,

feel free to stop being a complete fuck-up at any time. honestly it's long since gotten beyond being frustrating and discouraging, and has since progressed to sheer panic in regards to our future.

this will not fucking fly. the real world is going to smash you into tiny bits with its pinkie finger and you'll have no one to blame but (me) yourself.

the future of our relationship is looking quite grim, and that will only make things more difficult. it's not easy to function when you don't like yourself, and despite a few bumps in the road, we've gotten along pretty well so far, so it would really suck to start hating you now.

so snap out of whatever it is you're in, even if it's just being you, because this blows, and we're totally fucked already, not to mention if you keep this up.

knock it off.

no love,

me

Art Dump

2009-10-31T02:22:12Z

OMG it's been forever since i've been around a scanner big enough for my drawings and had enough time to actually bother scanning them!

*dances*

i don't have a ton, cuz i didn't have *that* much time, but i'm very excited to present the following for your viewing/reviewing pleasure :P

wow, i need to lay off the green a bit. it makes posting...interesting. in any case!

first off, river tam in a dress...with suspenders:
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022e0e9/g23

2 outfit designs:
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022d03s/g23
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022cxrw/g23

um, interesting woman and a little poem i wrote, lalala:
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022brby/g23

Sapphire - i told mithen i would draw this for her AGES ago. it's from her story of the same name - warning: GQBitch!Girl!Clark ahead, lol:
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022fq5g/g23

this is for pattinthehatt, my mom's cousin. she's very sweet, and wicked intelligent and has a lovely sense of humor and fashion :) she asked me to do a little cartoon of her - it's not colored yet but i thought i'd post it anyway *waves to patt*:
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022hy24/g1

hot chick with sweet-ass hair surrounded by stars (just a sketch):
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022kf8s/g1

and finally, a mostly-colored drawing of cass cain on a rooftop from the back:
http://pics.livejournal.com/batfan_sarah/pic/0022gea2/g1

well, i hope you guys enjoyed my stuff. i wish i'd had time to scan and post more, but at least you can see what i've been doing. i'll be finishing some other things soon, so hopefully i'll get another chance to post before long...

hope all is well.

HAPPY FUCKIN HALLOWEEN - YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA*coughwheeze*HAHAHAHAHA*snort*HAHAHAAAAAAAAaaaaaa...aaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

right. going now....:P

behold!

2009-10-28T01:51:28Z

eh, i changed my journal layout.

i likes it. :P

castle-omg

2009-10-27T11:01:50Z

So, I don't know about you guys, but I've been watching the ABC show Castle pretty obsessively since it started.

It's now about 5 episodes into its second season, and it's fucking fantastic.

It's a crime show, but based far more in reality than things like CSI as far as the resources at the disposal of the police in the program, and Nathan Fillion is in it and plays a writer shadowing our lead detective Kate Beckett, played by the lovely Stana Katic.

For those who don't know, Nathan was also in Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog as Captain Hammer, and in Firefly as Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

In the newest episode as Castle, he comes out wearing a cheap version of what he wore on Firefly as Mal and said it was his Halloween costume - dressing as a space cowboy. Oh, and he mentions Buffy a scene later, so lots of Joss references in the latest episode :)

ETA: here's the clip of him as Mal!

He also does a fantastic evil laugh midway through the episode that had me laughing out loud.

Soooo Gooood.

All of you should be watching this show!! You can watch all the episodes from the current season (season 2) on the ABC website and you can get season 1 from iTunes. It's SO worth it, seriously!

That is all.

fic rec

2009-10-04T10:25:33Z

i don't know how i missed this story when it was originally posted, but oh my god.

prepare yourself if you're going to read it: have tissues handy, and be ready to fuckin' cry. no, seriously. fics don't make me cry, but *this*. i was still sad almost 20 minutes later.

and it was also beautifully written, don't get me wrong...

i just...it's....gah, just go read it.

it's called Ghosts, written by the extremely talented harmless_one, it's PG, and it's Bruce/Clark:

http://community.livejournal.com/worlds_finest/480381.html

*sob*

dude.

2009-10-01T02:28:13Z

so, things are going alright with school. i really don't like one of my classes, and i want to drop it, but i don't wanna piss my dad off. we'll see what happens with that. otherwise things are going fine.

in other news, it's been cold as balls out here lately, and i realized just how few long sleeved shirts and sweaters i have...i need to go buy some desperately. sigh.

also, i have some songs under the cut that you guys should download, like, yesterday :)

ETA: i tried to upload the songs so you guys could get them, but it totally didn't work. Boo! So you're kind of on your own, but yeah.

-Action/Reaction and
Hollow Talk
by Choir of Young Believers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU_LRUkjbKk
This is a Danish Indie group. action/reaction is a kind of cute, kind of sad, very catchy song. I couldn't find a link to the hollow talk song, but trust me, it is epic and lovely.

-Octavio by Viva Voce
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq7GA-Tkqp4
A Portland, Oregon based married couple. Very interesting, good beats, nice vocals.

-Swing Tree by Discovery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-YhlfCq1AM
Collaboration between Ra Ra Riot (I'm a fan) and Vampire Weekend (I'm...not as much of a fan). Very very cute song, fun to dance to and to work to.

-Guyamas Sonora by Beirut
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uVhAjpEslY
I am in love with this song. It's emotional, it's different, and it's lovely. I just...go listen. And buy it. Do it now!

-Two Planets by Bat for Lashes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qYOk8-2fWY
This woman is intensely talented, and although most of her songs (while awesome) don't sound quite like this one, this particular song really reminded me of Bruce and Clark (lyrically).

-Kill the Rock and
Written in Cold Blood
by Mindless Self Indulgence (woohoo! party!):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UDQn3wown8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06a78WLWaNg
These dudes are totally crazy. I don't even want to think about how much cocaine they probably do, but they're all kinds of wacky fun, and they're great for parties, dancing alone, or having on while you're working or doing chores. They're outrageous. I have a lot of songs I like by them, but I just picked these two because I heard them back to back on my massive work playlist just now.

-Ghosts II-V by Nine Inch Nails
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qibx62koZr8
So, Trent Reznor (the guy behind NIN) did a double disc of instrumentals. Each one was simply named "ghosts" plus whatever number it was. There were 4 sets of Ghosts with 9 tracks each. The one I posted the link to is the 5th song in set 2. They're all pretty rad, though, and all quite different from one another.

Anywho, I could put a lot more up here, but that's what I've been getting into *most* recently. Hope you guys find something you like!

I love you all.

*hugs*

meme!

2009-09-24T03:12:52Z

stolen from my bestest friend in the whole wide world, naienchan :)

Reply, Post, Pass it on!

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

fast little update

2009-09-06T21:39:04Z

i started classes the 24th, they're going ok, i was sick from the 24th until...well, my nose is still stuffy. the sickness also got in the way of the concert - for those of you who don't know, i LOVE LOVE LOVE Nine Inch Nails, and Trent Reznor (the guy behind it all...well, he kind of *is* nine inch nails) is retiring. so i won tickets on the radio to see his sold-out last show in chicago, and brought my little brother. it was my brother's first concert, and i've gotten him really into nine inch nails, so it was an exciting bonding experience. except that i'd been sick, and just as the band came out on stage, i got really nauseas (and no, i hadn't been drinking at all) and spent 75% of the show off where i couldn't see the stage (we'd had floor tickets) trying not to puke while my brother rocked out by himself, instead of next to me singing along together and having our special night together. i cried.

but i guess i can't change it. i've been bitching about it more than i think is nice lately, so i'm trying really hard to get over it.....

i also finally found an apartment - a cute 1 bedroom, and i just finished unpacking yesterday. it's nice having a place to live cuz while going to school it's really hard to be living on a couch...between being sick and being homeless, my school year hasn't started off so strong, but it'll get better.

also, my friend mai, who i stayed with while looking for a place, and i have gotten very close over the past couple of weeks. i'm really glad i got to spend time with her even though it was b/c i didn't have a place to live, because she and i had the chance to spend a lot of time hanging out and talking and we connect on so many levels. :)

other than all that, i guess things are fine and everything will be okay. my car's speedometer and gas gauge stopped working, so i'm waiting for my dad to send me the part, which is annoying, but yeah, it could be worse i guess. at least the car runs.

also, i'll be way better about updating in a week, when i get internet at my apartment...as it is now, i have to drive to the school to post shit.......

i love you all :)

a couple of quick notes

2009-08-19T15:36:35Z

first off, i'm officially moving back to minneapolis at the crack of dawn tomorrow (thrusday). i still don't have an apartment, so my dad's coming with me to shop for one and get it before school starts on tuesday. i'm pretty darn stressed about that.

also, i got the new laptop i'm required to have for school, and got all my pictures and music off my old laptop - but for some reason my itunes won't transfer my ratings, play counts, or play lists from my old system, which is quite upsetting to me, seeing as i rated every single one of my 2,600+ songs and have over a dozen play lists....

well, i may just bring my old computer with me and figure it out later.

in other news, something really really awesome happened to me yesterday! i called into the local rock station, and they *actually* picked up the phone. i was answering a trivia game. and i got the answer right! and that meant that yesterday I WON TICKETS TO THE SOLD OUT NIN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance*

it was totally surreal - like one of those things you know must happen sometimes, but just never imagined happening to you...like winning the lotto. like, somebody must win once in a while or there wouldn't be a lotto anymore, but you just never dream it could be you.

i'm so damn excited for this concert, even if it does mean i have to drive back out to chicago right after my first week of class in minneapolis.

i've been struggling to find a u-haul place that isn't booked, so i think i may be stuck just bringing what will fit in my car this time around, and then get a trailer the weekend i come back out for the concert and move my furniture then....

anyway, that's what's up. hope you guys are doing well!!

i love you all!

*hugs*

FML

2009-08-11T07:32:52Z

my god. just when i thought nothing else could possibly go wrong, because it seemed as if everything already had...

i think i've mentioned my abysmal romantic luck on my journal before.

so, the latest adventure in celibacy land is that i met up with a guy last week. i was very excited, and had somehow convinced myself that since everything else was going wrong, maybe that meant (and seemed like) my romantic life would pick up.

he was good-looking, funny, halfway intelligent, and had a bit of a nerd-factor. i'm leaving for minneapolis soon, so i wasn't really looking for a relationship, but i thought, "hey, dates are still fun."

so, i'm kind of a nothing-more-than-making-out-on-the-first-date kind of girl. same kind of goes for the 2nd and 3rd dates. i'm a bit of a prude - so sue me. seeing as i've never had a positive sexual experience (and have had very few sexual experiences in general) i get a little touchy when things move beyond kissing.

so he and i started making out. all in good fun. we'd had a few drinks, and i was feeling adventurous, so our shirts came off. then he wanted to rub my shoulders (which happen to be a mess of knots at all times due to my drawing and computering) so i agreed. while he gave me a little rub-down, he reached down and pulled off my pants.

this is where i started to get nervous. but i tried not to get all jumpy and decided to "go with the flow". i did have to warn him that i was on my period (as of that morning, which really should have been sign) but he said he didn't mind.

so things get hot and heavy and suddenly we're nude, and i'm freaking out in my head but not wanting so say anything, but when he yanked out my tampon and shoved his fingers in, i told him we had to stop and that i was sorry. he said okay, and backed off to just kissing. for a minute or so. then all of a sudden he has his dick in me! what the fuck?! and with no condom.

so i get upset and say we're done. he apologizes and gets up, and i see my nasty vagina blood all over his hip and fingers, and he has my tampon in his hand. GROSS. so we clean up with some wash cloths and i go to sleep in my room and let him crash in the guest room. he goes home in the morning.

then he invited me out for tonight. i didn't really want to go, but i have to see him again to at least get back a movie i'd let him borrow at the beginning of the night he'd come over. i call to say i don't really want to, but i end up asking if he's been tested for STDs anytime recently since he didn't have a condom on the other night. he says, "actually i went to the doctor this week and i was going to call you about that"

so at this point i'm hyperventilating, but thank fucking god he doesn't have any STDs. he *does*, however, have a contagious skin virus that can spread to different parts of the body and makes lovely little skin tag looking things. he claims he found out *after* our encounter. so now i have to go to the dermatologist and see if i have it, and if i do, it's on my pelvis and could spread elsewhere. left untreated, it could cause scarring. and treated or not, there isn't much you can do besides wait for your immune system to fight it off, which could take anywhere from 2 to 8 weeks.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck my life.

this is awful like an angry badger up the ass.

i can't believe my luck. i mean, people have unprotected sex and the like all the damn time and nobody catches anything or gets pregnant, and here i am, having only had sex 3 times (4 if you count this guy) and only with 2 people (3 if you count this guy) and somehow, i end up fucking catching something.

*pulls hair out*

god. damn. it.

sigh. keeping up my generally sunny disposition is becoming a real bitch.

le sigh

2009-08-06T18:03:09Z

well all, there's been a lot of crap going on lately. sorry i haven't updated, but i've tried to get on here and keep up with all of you. i can try to make a long story short on here under the cut and let you know what's been up...

ooookay.

well, as i think i posted here, i left st. louis at the end of june. i had $3000. a couple of days later, i was at a friend's house for the first time after getting away from the maniac, and wouldn't you know it, my car got towed. when i was standing a foot away from it. balls. so that cost me $170. then i sprained my ankle tripping over my dog (it's looking better now, but it's still kinda swollen and discolored). then i had to replace my two front tires on my car cuz one of them had busted inner metal, er, thingies. so those were $87 each. then my dad wanted me to pay him back for car repairs he'd made earlier this year, so he took $840 out of my account. ugh!

then on the 29th my dad left for switzerland with his girlfriend and will not be back until august 15th. i called my school in minneapolis and am all registered to go back to school this fall and arranged to live with the only friend of mine out there that didn't just graduate, since those people are all leaving. i drove my brother 6 hours to ohio and was planning to stay a couple of days and then leave him there to visit my cousin daniel. my aunt and cousin emily (whom i believe i've mentioned on here...in any case she and i don't get along) were also there, which is why i wasn't planning to stay long. my aunt and emily are VERY christian and made it clear we were not to have alcohol or drugs in her house, which is fine. and i was to smoke my cigarettes outside. also fine.

so we drive out there, my brother being the purse-holder and wallet-grabber for the toll booths on the way. the first day went alright. the second day we played scrabble and i kicked my aunt's ass. then religious discussions came up, and i was making idle conversation and asked a couple of genuinely curious questions (being an atheist, there are often things i don't understand about organized religion as a system). so then emily (the cousin i don't like) says that "atheists are lost and empty people" and that she was "so sad" that members of her own family were that way. which naturally pissed me off, because i'd been nice all day and had even helped her friend look online for a new copy of her bible. so that was an argument.

later that night, my other cousin (the nice one) and his girlfriend arrived. my brother had been on the phone all day with a friend who, i learned later, was seriously contemplating suicide and my brother had spent 8 hours that day talking the kid out of it. but here's the killer. so my cousin, daniel, walks in and says he smells pot. i come down to where they are (split-level house) and sure enough, it smells pretty strong. turns out i'd accidentally left my pouch w/ my bowl (which i've had since age 17) and less than a gram of pot in my purse, but hadn't noticed cuz i wasn't handling it. but my brother found it. and in his stress, *stole* it out of my bag and smoked it *in their house*. and got caught.

please note, i've been casually doing it for about 6 years now, never paid for it, and NEVER been caught. EVER. so now, i get caught, at my super-religious aunt's house, and I wasn't even the one smoking. fuck me sideways. so this huge argument breaks out, and after 3 hours of yelling after emily woke up my aunt and was telling her to call the cops and my aunt was actually considering it, and calling my dad and not reaching him and calling my mom and not reaching her (cuz it was like 3 in the morning) and emily attacking me and my character and then eveyone yelling at me when i defended myself, and i was apologizing profusely, and having to flush my stuff down the toilet (which i didn't protest really or mind cuz it was free) and my aunt took my phone and my bowl for the night, i was pretty stressed out...the next day we were sent back to illinois to my mom's house (this all happened on my dad's side of the family FYI and they haven't even talked to my mom in years - my parents split up when i was 12 and my brother was 5). my aunt then smashed my bowl with a hammer, and sent us out without letting us say goodbye.

so that sucked. we ended up spending a couple of days with my mom's mom, who rocks. i talked to my dad and my other grandma and they were upset, but not like my aunt and cousin had been. then my laptop cord tried to burn my house down, so i went and got another one. that was $85. and then the girl i was supposed to live with in minneapolis cancelled on me cuz her roommate didn't want to leave, so i have until the 18th to find out where i'm gonna live.

Fuck my life.

so anyway, that's what's been happening. i hope the fall is way way way better than this summmer has been, because i'm not sure how much more of this constant stress i can take.

blarg.

in any case, hope all is well with you guys, and hope none of you suddenly decide to take offense to my godless, pot-smoking ways, lol. ...but seriously, hope you don't mind. cuz i love you guys.

*hugs*

ps - fic would cheer me up. oh, yes it would.....*hint*

wow

2009-07-18T19:36:19Z

i took a 2 question personality test that was actually scary accurate.

my results and a link to the test below the cut...

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear.
* Listen to me carefully.
* Don't judge me for my anxiety.
* Work things through with me.
* Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
* Laugh and make jokes with me.
* Gently push me toward new experiences.
* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a SIX

* being committed and faithful to family and friends
* being responsible and hardworking
* being compassionate toward others
* having intellect and wit
* being a nonconformist
* confronting danger bravely
* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a SIX

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

SIXes as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

SIXes as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
* worry more than most that their children will get hurt
* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

crazy! this sounds very much like me, and like i said, it was only 2 questions!!

you guys can take it here: http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-quick-painless-enneagram-test

have fun!

taken from pattinthehatt

2009-07-17T05:49:36Z

fun meme here!

Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you.
Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

Below are the five words given to me by pattinthehatt (my mom's cousin....which i think also makes her my cousin. or 2nd cousin. anywho, we're related :P)

1) Batman
2) comics
3) your art
4) future
5) religion

below are my responses...

1) Batman
Well, he inevitably comes up when people think of me. He was my first crush and what got me into comics in the first place. You could name just about any article of clothing and I've probably got one with him, or his insignia on it. Batman is just the greatest (male) superhero ever - because he has no powers. He wasn't born on another planet, he wasn't in some kind of accident that gave him great abilities that he decided to use for the good of the people. He's just some guy that lost his parents violently, and he *made* himself into what he needed to be to fight crime and keep up with the likes of Superman and Wonder Woman. Hell, half the Justice League is actually *afraid* of him (mwahahaha). And, despite his emotional issues, he's pretty much the perfect man. He's tall, dark and handsome (6'2", 210 lbs., black hair, blue eyes, high set cheekbones, square jaw, muscely, and covered in scars...mmmm....), he's got genius-level intelligence and isn't afraid to use it as a tactician, a chemist, an engineer, a detective, or a fighter. He is very compassionate and driven, and values *all* life above his own. Oh, and he could wipe his firm ass with $100 dollar bills til he's 80 years old and still be a millionaire. *melts*

2) Comics
Ah, the logical extension of my love for Batman. Comics are more than that though. They really are high art (not that most people realize that). They are limitless in potential for exploration of theme, medium, style, and concept and can fully tell a story no matter how fantastic or mundane in the most visual and visceral ways. You can set pace, create characters exactly how you like, balance picture with (or without) words...Comics are beautiful and flexible and diverse. There is no age limit, size or length limit, and no particular period, movement, or philosophy binding them. Rock on, comics. Rock the fuck on.

3) My art
Naturally the next step in your line of thought, Patt :) My art allows me to express my thoughts, ideas, and personality in a way that I often can't get across with words. I draw when I'm happy, I draw when I'm sad, when I'm angry, or bored, or horny :P There is no bad time for art, though there are times I still find myself worse at it than I'd like. But that just means there's somewhere for me to go, more to explore and aspire to. And, you know, there's always someone better, no matter what profession or hobby you're talking about. And there's always someone worse. So my concept of my success and/or skill is based on my own self-improvement and what level I'm at compared to what the next level is that I know I can get to. I know I've pulled something off successfully (weather I'm a huge fan of a certain piece of work or not) when it means something to me and someone else *gets* it and *likes* it. Art is all about communication. Even if there's not a particular/specific message that's trying to be put across to the viewer, the pint is if you had an idea, and you gave them one. Even if it's not the same idea you had when creating it. If you put nothing in, you'll get nothing out, and if it doesn't evoke a mood or a thought in the viewer, then it's not art. ...At least not as far as I'm concerned.

4) Future
Now this is one I didn't quite expect. The first thing it made me think of actually was the graphic novel I'd been working on (and am still going to do on my time, on my own, in my own way) cuz it takes place in the future.

But I assume you were thinking more generally. Even if you weren't, that's where my brain is going now, so oh well. The future for me at this point is almost all baby steps. Like hopping across lilly pads towards a goal I can't see yet. I know I wanna do comics, and I'm going back to school this fall for that. But what then? Well, then I wanna move to the west coast. I *had* wanted to go to San Diego, but since California's kind of broke, I don't know if that's the best idea anymore. But I wanted to spend a couple of years out there, building my career and networking my ass off....and then...well...I don't know. I'll end up drawing something for someone somewhere, and I'll probably eventually end up back in the midwest since 99% of my family is out there. Though I would like to do some travelling first :) I'd love to go back to Germany and Switzerland, and I wanna see Russia and Japan *nods to jen*

5) Religion
Oooh, this is a biggie. I'm not sure where to start or end with this, but in general I guess, I *love* discussing religion. I don't agree with it as an institution one bit. If we did away with organized religion I truly believe the world would be a better place. What I mean by that is that people could still believe in God or whatever they wanted to help themselves through the day(s). But nobody really knows what happens when we die or why we're here. So why doesn't everyone just admit that, agree that we're all in the same boat (or for the sake of a good analogy, let's say "ocean"), so we're all in the same ocean, bobbing around and treading water. We all drown or get eaten or starve or whatnot eventually, and we don't know what happens next. We all have our own ideas about what *might* happen. We should feel free to share these thoughts, and see if we find common ground (or water, lol) with each other, and try to help keep other people from going under while we're at it. And leave it at that. Life should be about love, self-discovery and improvement, and about helping others while treading through all the tsunamis and sharks, etc. Not about telling each other who's wrong and pushing them under so we get a few more minutes above the surface. Okay, I'll leave this here for now...

SO yeah, that was fun :) Thanks for the words, Patt! If anyone else wants me to pick words for them, just shout it in the comments. Or if you wanna discuss religion with me :P It's always a good time!

I love you all.

What Type of Passionate Woman Are You?

2009-07-14T18:22:46Z

just because i was amused by my actually-pretty-accurate result:

Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve.
If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through.
But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack.
You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

What Type of Passionate Woman Are You?

What Dessert Are You Most Like? and an update

2009-07-14T18:17:10Z

You Are Smores

Unusual and unconventional, you make your strange ways work for you.
You've got personality - no one's denying that!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

also, some recent goings-on

So, I'm returning to MCAD this fall semester. I've already signed up for classes and will be a full-time student. I have no idea where the hell I'm going to live, and need to figure that out soon, but otherwise, everything's in order and I'm very excited to be going back and finishing my degree :)

In other news, my little brother now routinely picks me up and carries me around the house (he's 7 years younger than me and just got taller than me and started building muscles this past year and a half) and my mom just filed for bankruptcy. My grandma (mom's side) just turned 70 on Sunday, and we had a lovely party for her and my mom's little sister, whose 40th birthday is tomorrow. My 3 little cousins were there as well, adorable as always :)

Other than all that, I'm just kind of sitting around looking for something temporary yet reasonably productive to do with myself til school starts. No luck finding anything just yet, lol.

Take care all! *hugs*

nar

2009-07-04T04:24:53Z

first off, happy 4th of july to all my fellow americans! (and to anyone else that may care)...

secondly, i've been hom for a week now, and have made absolutely zero progress in re-starting my project. i think i may need to work on other things for a little while and detox or something.

so to start off that process, i've diddled around and made a few icons, which are hiding under the cut and free to anyone as long as i'm given credit :)

behold!

eeeyep. that's it for now, i suppose. take it easy, all!

Going Home.

2009-06-29T23:17:39Z

I'm heading back home. We may still work on the project via emails and scans and the occasional strained phone call. I find myself both relieved (for getting the hell out of here and back to friends, family, and people who don't treat me like shit all the time and then get made at me for reacting negatively to the treatment),and also disappointed for not being able to stick it out till the end of the project.

Though, as I said, we may still finish it....from far FAR away from each other. Cuz apparently he thinks this is all my fault just as much as I feel it's his. *rolls eyes*

His dad was really nice about it though. He still payed me for the time I put in and didn't yell at me or anything (this whole thing ended cuz Casey and I argued in the kitchen and when I yelled "fuck you" after bringing up that Casey told me to kill myself, his dad said "that's it, this is over") so yeah. Actually both of his parents are really cool people. I'll be sad to not see them anymore.

Sigh. Oh well. I did the best I could, and I guess that's all you can do.

I'm packing up the car to drive the 5 hours back home. Just thought I'd tell everybody.

*hugs*

GAH

2009-06-28T20:22:16Z

so, casey told me yesterday that he was going to condense my story down to finish the script in time. makes sense, especially since the first chapter ended up at about 40 pages. he said he already had an outline for it, but was afraid i'd be a "raging bitch" if he just went ahead and did it, so he was asking me to make my own condensed outline too.

nicest thing he's done for me since i got here. i thanked him, and started on it today. i gave him a call and left a voicemail asking if he wanted to discuss out two outlines and combine them in person or if i should just email mine to him and talk it over on monday. he called back and told me to "cease and desist" and to just draw and that he was just going to do it how he wanted it. when i asked why and wanted to know what made him change his mind and what made him think it was okay to just go ahead and do that he started yelling and telling me i was crazy and overreacting and to just shut up and get back to work. he hung up on me.

i texted him and told him to treat others as he'd like to be treated. he texted me back and was like "i'm just condesnsing it, it'll still be true to your story but i don't want you to screw it up". what a dick! like i could screw up my own story for one thing, and for another thing, and i texted him and asked why he'd asked me to make an outline in the first place. apparently it was just to placate me, so i got mad and told him it was like he thought my opinion didn't matter, he said it didn't so shut up and draw, i got pissed, he called me an unreasonable bitch for *being* pissed, and it was just all around frustrating and painful.

all i'd wanted to do was combine our outlines and make some compromises so we could get through this thing. my shortened version leaves us with 6 chapters instead of 10, and all he'd really have to change is how *long* some of the sequences are. but he wants it down to 4 chapters and actually told me he *does* want to change some things. some i liked and thought were fine and some i didn't, but when i tried to tell him so, he just latched onto the negative, blew it out of proportion, and hung up and said i was uncompromising. which is fucking stupid cuz he wouldn't even let me finish. he does that to me ALL THE TIME. i start a sentence, he takes the first half of it and then throws it waaaaay out into left field and bases his argument on *that*.

oh, and he also told me today that i should put a gun in my mouth. yet he's also telling me i'm unreasonable, and unprofessional. right. yeah. telling your co-worker to kill themselves, or at least maim themselves is totally mature, professional, and not an overreaction to a re-wrtie on an outline at all.

god, what a total dick.

*lights 15th cigarette of the day*

so here i am still drawing this story, trying to finish a 40-page first chapter in a week and a half - started not this past friday but the one before (i have 25 pages of mostly-cleaned-up pencils so far, but i also have to ink and color) and this guy and his dad want me to have this thing DONE by Wednesday. it's fucking absolutely impossible, i don't care if you're jim fucking lee, it can't be done. i don't know what to do.

*flail*

Fuck my life.

(on a completely unrelated note, regina spektor's new album is quite good)

Boo.

2009-06-26T14:42:03Z

Casey (the guy I'm working on the comic with, and that should set this right up) just told me that he's a big fan of double standards. I said, "You mean being a hypocrite?" and he was like, "Whatever you wanna call it."

GOD that pisses me off. I only have a few things that'll get me riled up *every* time, and hypocrocy is *right* at the top of that list. UGH! Being a hypocrite (and especially being proud of it) is no more than a sign of immaturity, selfishness, ignorance, and an over-inflated ego.

This guy makes me wanna pull my hair out sometimes! Oh, and since I posted about him once on here, now he's always like "are you on livejournal?"

So now he's all pissed that I'm on here, even though i was up and working before he was. Aaaand, I told him I wasn't alone in thinking he was a total dick and read him some of the comments from my last post about him, and he called just about all of you wonderful people who sent me virtual support bitches, idiots, or cunts.

Awesome.

What a fucking chode.

Dude. All our Celebs are dying.

2009-06-25T23:55:11Z

Today we lost both Farrah Fawcett (sp?) and king of pop and child molestation charges, Michael Jackson.

Too strange! Farrah had been battling cancer for 3 years, and was 62 when she died in a hospital this morning.

Michael Jackson suddenly went into cardiac arrest an hour or so ago and was pronounced dead after being at the hospital a while.

So strange that we lost both on the same day! And that all the tributes and such to Farrah stopped and were totally overshadowed by the Michael Jackson story.

Craziness.

Soooo Sleeeepy

2009-06-22T12:24:21Z

Morning, all. Well, it's morning here. 7:20 am.

I was up late working on the project last night, and all is....okay-ish.

Thanks to those who responded to my last post for your support. Things have been rather rough around here.

As to be expected, about 10 minutes after I got up, I could hear my associate screaming Goddammit! Fuck! from upstairs (I crashed at his place in a spare room last night cuz my car's not here). He seems to be in a very bad mood. Apparently is because he's quite tired and that's not how the universe should work or something. I'll tell you I'm not a morning person at *all* and I was up just as late as he was...but fine, whatever. I guess I can suck it up better.

So yeah, I'm gonna finish my first Pepsi and cigarette of the day and get cracking on the book once again.

Take care, all!

*yawn*

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-21T22:04:59Z

follow the cut for rambling rage

OH MY GOD I WANT TO KILL THE GUY I'M WORKING ON MY COMIC WITH.

we are *weeks* behind schedule despite me giving him everything he needs to write a script off of my story (scene by scene breakdowns and one paragraph chapter summaries to work from) and we're so far behind he's decided to just do my story (we were supposed to do his as a sequel after mine was done) and he's giving me script pages with incomplete dialogue days late, he's a sociopathic asshole with a huge ego and no accomplishments, he's lazy, he's a drunk and a pill-popper, and he can't take even a smidgen of criticism. he calls me "stupid" and "bitch" and "cunt" and "crazy". i'm a nice person. i get along with almost everyone, and i've had to work with people i don't get along with before and did just fine. THIS guy? i can't fucking stand him. he's difficult to be around, makes it hard to have a conversation, and makes getting my *job* done nearly impossible to boot. i've never been so easily and drastically angered by anyone in my entire life.

today i wanted him to give me the new script pages and he casually mentioned changed a major character and keeps taking liberties with my story, and just told me "of course" he can and i'm unreasonable, unprofessional and stupid for getting mad that he changed stuff without consulting me first and that since he got behind schedule and we're just doing my book now that he should be able to write mine however the fuck he wants. he just offered me my full pay check to get complete control over my story and i said not a fucking chance and he called me unreasonable again and made me leave the room.

what the fuck?!?! i'm so mad i'm shaking right now. the last three weeks have been hell on earth, and he's the biggest egotistical asshole with violent tendencies you can ever imagine. it's fucking awful and all i want to do is leave, but i'd be giving up the money and time and opportunity to get published.

FUCK MY LIFE.

goddammit.

searching for a fic

2009-05-15T20:29:37Z

i read this bruce/clark fic once where they go to an alien world or some such and in order to negotiate a peace treaty between 2 warring factions or species, they have sex in this big arena thing and then it bonds them and it's all UST and hot and stuff.

anyone remember that or where to find it or who wrote it or something??? cuz i totally can't find it....boo.

thanks guys!

snarf

2009-05-13T17:25:05Z

Your results:
You are Uhura

Uhura		65%
Deanna Troi		60%
Geordi LaForge		55%
Beverly Crusher		45%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)		40%
Chekov		35%
Will Riker		35%
Spock		32%
Mr. Scott		30%
Jean-Luc Picard		30%
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)		25%
James T. Kirk (Captain)		25%
Data		24%
Mr. Sulu		15%
Worf		5%

You are a good communicator with a
pleasant soft-spoken voice.
Also a talented singer.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

poll!

2009-04-27T23:00:52Z

okay, so i have a question for everyone. be *creative* with your answer!

in addition to doing my graphic novel, i'm throwing together a superhero team of a bunch of misfits and assholes. one of the characters is based on a silly comment a friend of mine made (long story) but it's a little too....blatant (?) for what i want.

so, i need name suggestions for this guy who's basically a flamingly gay zorro (originally aptly named "faggot zorro") and he can swordfight and all that, but isn't really a great superhero.

but yeah, i need a clever, funny, and perhaps sublty (or not so sublty) sexual/indicitive of homosexuality name for him.

he'll be joining teammates by equally goofy backgrounds and names, including Naked Thunder (a mute streaker in boots an goggles that lives in the closet at their headquarters and whose only power is distraction).

all characters belong to Working Title Comics Inc., but you of course get credit for the name. And could...maybe be his sidekick or something? We'll work it out, i'll give credit where it's due, i swear :)

help!

i love you all.